Thursday, September 25, 2008

Bed Rest is annoying

So I've been on bed rest for about 2 weeks now...and let me tell you...I'm bored out of my mind! And because I'm so bored, I'm annoyed all the time.

I want to clean my house, it disgusts me. My friend said she would come over and help me clean, or clean it by herself, but I don't want my friends cleaning my house for me. I don't even want Josh cleaning my house for me. It is MY job, not theirs! I know it's not my fault that I can't clean it, but it irks me that others have to do my job. So...slowly but surely the house is being picked up and cleaned.

Josh and I are working on the bedroom on Sunday if I feel up to it. I want all my pre-pregnancy clothes out of my closet and drawers unless they will still cover my stomach with a tank top under them.

I'm not a very big pregnant woman...that's for sure. People mistake me for being 4 - 4 1/2 months pregnant instead of 7 3/4 all the time. I think the most someone has said is 5 months, and that was 2 weeks ago...and I don't think my stomach has grown anymore since then.

The only thing really getting me through all of this is watching Caralyn move in my stomach. I love laying on the couch while she's active and just watching my stomach move. It brings me great joy, and sometimes pain, to see her and know she's okay.

I'm also having irrational fears right my parents and his not being able to make the birth. I have a feeling that I'm going to have her between the end of October and beginning of November. I'll be surprised if I make it past November 15. It's just a feeling I have...but I really want my mom and dad to be here when she arrives. I'm also scared that Josh won't have any bonding time with us before he leaves in December...especially if she does wait until 40+ weeks to come...That bonding time is important for a dad and he needs to be here for it. Sometimes I hate the Navy.

And what if Josh and my parents leave right around the same time and I get overwhelmed? It's not like I have many friends out here to help me. I really will need my mom or Josh. I know it's irrational and I'll do okay, but what if what everyone thinks (including myself) is wrong? What if I'm not really cut out to have my own kids and I'm a horrible mother, especially at first? I know how to deal with older kids...but babies...I've never been around babies except Liam, but I got to give him back.

I'm not really scared of the labor and delivery...I mean, I am a little, but that's normal. I'm going to try to do a natural birth...I hate medication on a normal day, so why would I put pain killers into my body that could affect my baby too? I am a little nervous about the tearing thing and having to have stitches "down there", but women sometimes go through that and they manage to deal with it...I just think it'll hurt to go to the bathroom with stitches there...and what about infections and stuff? Could be bad...

I do want to do the Childbirth class that is offered by the Naval Hospital, but I don't know that I'm going to be able to. 1) It's mid October and 2) I don't know if Josh will have duty on that specific Saturday. Granted, they do have 4 Wednesday classes throughout October, I know Josh will have duty for at least one of those classes, so it's better for us to do the all day Saturday class...but if Josh can't go...I'm screwed.

Well...that's all for can all call me out about how irrational and stupid I'm being. It won't upset me...I promise.

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