Wednesday, March 31, 2010


That is my new baby's name. I found out on March 19 that I was having a boy! I'm so excited about this! It's a dream come true! I've always wanted a boy and a girl in that order, but a girl then a boy is perfect for me also. There is a good possibility we may just continue as a family of 4, but there's also that possibility that we will have 1-3 more kids in the future. You never know what the future will hold...and I will leave it up to God as to how many more I should really have, if any.

This pregnancy has been a blessing in pretty much every way possible. With Cara I was on bed rest and pelvic rest and so tired all the time and just had a hard time. I didn't honestly know how I was going to get through this pregnancy with a toddler on my hands. I have been surprised that I have energy, I can move around and do anything I want, I'm fairly comfortable and I haven't been put on any kind of "rest". It's wonderful and has made me want to do it again someday...just not this fast again! LoL!

I do still get tired, especially if I force myself to sleep more than 4 hours at a time (which is always) but it's not like I get to have set naps every day with Caralyn. She goes to sleep when she wants to. Lately she will actually take starting between 10 and 12 and another starting between 3 and 5. I hate when she takes late naps, but it happens.

On another note, I have my last OB appt before going to MI today. I'll be 21 weeks tomorrow and we leave Friday night and arrive Saturday early morning. We are in MI until April 17. I'm excited about most of the trip...the part where we'll be in Monroe/LaSalle. I'm anxious and worried about going to Saginaw for a weekend. There's still some bad blood between Josh's dad and myself and Josh's Grandma and myself. This will be the first time Josh is face to face with ANY of his family since the Caleb stuff started happening. I'm honestly worried.

We have decided that if I am treated poorly or just completely ignored or "cold shouldered" that Josh will say something. If he doesn't, I don't know that I'll hold in the inner bitch in me...pregnancy hormones makes it hard for me to hold my tongue when I know I'm being treated poorly. I act before I think and it's bad. I'm not usually like that...I usually can hold it in long enough to get away from everyone and everything and just rant to Josh or online about it...not during pregnancy though...sometimes I make it, but with how long this has been going on (over a year) I don't think it'll happen...

On top of that, we have decided if I am treated that way, we will not be a part of that life. They will have to deal with the loss of their grandchildren/great grandchildren on their own. It is not right for me to be treated that way, especially in front of my children. When Cara was younger and not as much of a sponge it didn't bother me as much, but she is learning like crazy and mocks people. I will not allow her to be taught by them that it's okay to treat mommy, or anyone else for that matter, that way. I will not stand for it. They need to grow up and act like adults instead of middle school children. They need to realize that my family comes first and so do my values and morals. Josh agreed to this, which honestly doesn't surprise was me that forced him back into their lives so it's okay that I'm backing out. Makes sense right?

I hate the thought of losing more family. It royally sucks, but what else can I do? Family is so important to me...his grandma has never liked me because I didn't force Josh away from Penny, no matter how much I hated her myself at that point. Josh's dad didn't like me at first because I wasn't intimidated by him. He warmed up to me as time went on, and I believe with all my heart and soul, pushes from his wife. Papa...well I've always loved him and he's always been the laid back neutral party in everything. He's always been super nice and supportive of me and Josh.

I'm just lucky I will never lose my side of the family, Penny, Mark, Alea and Seth. And if Seth decides to treat his mother like Caleb, he has already been warned of the wrath and beating he will receive from me. This has torn him up completely so I don't honestly think he will ever do something like this to his mom. 2/4 kids forever is better than 1 or none though, right? It's wrong that ANY of her kids have treated her poorly but I know it's a part of life. It sucks.

So I went on a bit of a rant, and I probably will again and again with this subject because it just bugs the crap out of me, but for now I shall end.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Enough Is Enough

Everyone has those people in their life that they really want to hold onto through thick and thin. Sometimes you have to say "enough is enough" and just let them go.

I recently decided to let my brother in law and his wife go. He has treated me like crap since he met her approximately 2 years ago. She started treating me like crap the second she met me in person. They both treated me worse when I stuck up for my family and for what was really right.

That isn't what gets me to the point of giving up and letting go though. I can be treated like crap for a very long time without giving up. When they start treating my daughter like crap is where I draw the line. Cara's first 15 months of life has been mostly without these two. I went back to MI so she could meet him and start having him in her life. It ended at that trip. He saw her again on his wedding day and didn't even want to see her, he didn't want to see me either, and that was where it started tearing me up trying to hold onto this relationship because they were family.

Just a couple days ago my hormones got the best of me when he posted about how much he loves his niece, who is his wife's adopted niece, and realized he had deleted every picture of his blood niece that he had of her online. He cut his own blood out of his life when she did nothing to deserve it except have me as her mother. I thought all of our problems had been pretty much solved when I apologized, listened to her side of the story then let her know my feelings and my side of the story. I was wrong.

So last night I cut them out of my life. I can not take it any longer. I can not put my daughter and this new baby through this. It's just not good for them.

Speaking of my daughter, she just woke up from her nap. Later!