Michigan Trip so far

So we’re in Michigan right now, as I’m typing. This past weekend we went to Frankenmuth/Saginaw to see his dad, step mom, grandparents and some other family members. In the last blog I was worried about how it would pan out. I am no longer too worried. We had a very enjoyable time there.

I was still very uncomfortable around Josh’s Grandma and it felt like she was trying the least she could to be civil to me, but it’s better than it has been in the past. I had a couple “hi”s and “bye”s from her and not much inbetween. I think the most was her offering me sauerkraut when I asked Josh for a couple bites of his at dinner Friday night. We got “I love you”s from her too, but I know they were mainly at Josh and that’s okay. At least she was civil and didn’t completely ignore the fact that I was there.

The only thing that irked the daylights out of me is what she said to Josh after church. She told him to keep in touch with his siblings, as if he hasn’t been trying since he got back from underway! He just told her that he could only keep in touch as much as they let him. I’m glad he stood up for himself that way, even if it was just a little something. He has been trying and it’s not our fault that Caleb and Holly won’t return phone calls, Instant Messages or emails. I mean, before my “enough is enough” blog, I thought Caleb, Holly and I were fine…I don’t know what the heck I did to ruin that, but nothing is ever their fault so I’m sure I did something without knowing it. Maybe it’s because I still talk to “THAT” side of the family…or because I didn’t take their side of things…who knows. I did nothing wrong, so I will not apologize again…it is their turn. And as for how they’re treating Josh…there is no reason for it. Josh has had nothing to do with the whole situation…the only connection? He’s my husband. It just makes me so mad that they’re this immature. My child seems to grasp maturity and the difference between right and wrong better than them and she’s not even 17 months old yet.

On the good side of things…Friday we got to Frankenmuth and saw Josh’s Grandpa Dorcey. We always love seeing him. He’s a hoot and a half! After that stop we went to see Jeff and Jeanine and to put our things up. Seth was there and we met his girlfriend Brooke. She was really nice from what I could tell. Around 6PM Grandma and Papa Luplow were there and we decided on food. We went to the Bavarian Inn and it was WONERFUL! I was craving roast beef (ewww!) so I got that. It was pretty good. I was surprised.

Saturday we went around downtown Frankenmuth. We went to the Bavarian Inn and Lodge and let Cara play in the play area for awhile. She seemed to enjoy that immensely. We ate at the Ratskeller for lunch. I had a WONERFUL burger and fries. I couldn’t believe how good it tasted. I haven’t had a good burger like that in a long time. We walked downtown and I got to buy my fudge, which I was sooooo happy about! I even got to get my mom some Sugar Free fudge, which doesn’t taste like fudge, but it’s good anyway! She got SF Chocolate and I got Mint Chip, German Chocolate, Chocolate Peanut Butter and Rocky Road. The 4 non SF varieties were to share between me, Josh, my dad and Kacee…also my Aunt Patty if she really wanted some. Cara’s been enjoying a little bit of it too.

Sunday we got up for 8AM service at St. Paul’s (I believe) in Saginaw for Grandma’s birthday. It was a very enjoyable service. When Cara needed changed Josh took her so I could pay attention to service (he’s a wonderful husband like that…he’s amazing and way too good to me!). He kept her downstairs after that to play because I guess she turned into an imp after getting changed. She was a tired little imp after service and was being buttheadish but still so cute! After service we went back to Jeff and Jeanine’s and changed, ate breakfast and hung around until about 12:30PM. We then headed to Bronner’s since we couldn’t get ahold of Grandpa Dorcey. I picked out my new Christmas Tree topper and bought it then left. We got to look around the place a little too. I forgot how huge that place was! We picked up McDonald’s then headed back to my mom and dad’s house.

While we were eating breakfast and a little while afterwards we talked about the sermon and the Caleb stuff. Josh had talked to Jeff about my previous blog before I had gotten down to the kitchen (I packed up while Cara slept on the couch downstairs). I don’t know the conversation, but I hope Jeff understands things a little better. Only God knows for sure. After breakfast while we were sitting around the table Josh told Jeff about Anna getting in contact with him and meeting Brad, Shell, Anna, Samantha and the rest of that part of our family. It’s a huge relief to me that Josh finally told him. I’ve been urging him to do it for awhile, but I understand why Josh was nervous to do so. Jeff took it well and seemed happy that we found another extension of our family. Our family is huge and I love it so much. I feel so blessed to have the family I have, that I have married into and that I am making with Josh. It’s one of God’s amazing gifts that just fill me with awe and wonder.

On the Monroe side of things, life’s been great here. We’ve been staying with my parents. We get to see Penny, Mark and Alea as much as possible. We’ve seen some wonderful friends. I do hate that some people haven’t gotten in touch with us, but I understand that life happens and I can’t see everyone. I would need a year here to do that…and I’m not willing to live here for another year. LoL!

We have taken Cara to Munson Park a couple times. The first time Seth and Alea came out with Chulo and Chloe. The second we saw an old friend and his daughter, which was really nice. I wish I were able to be closer to him like I used to be, but it’s impossible. We have gone to dinner at Mongolian BBQ (my favorite!) and Cracker Barrel. We had Easter lunch at a Mexican place with Penny, Mark and Seth which was great. We’ve gone to the mall to walk around a couple times. I’ve gotten to go out with my mom to shop for new clothes for Cara and Alaric along with going to lunch at Olga’s with her just like old times. We went to Livonia and ate at Steak ‘N Shake with Bryan, then Josh went back to Detroit later that evening to see him again hosting Karaoke. My Aunt JoAnne came to my parents house to visit…I got to go to my friend Sarah’s ultrasound with her and her mom…it’s just been a great visit.

We only have a couple more plans. We are having dinner with our dear friends tonight. Bryan and his girlfriend are supposed to come down on Friday sometime to see us and then Josh and I will be going to karaoke for a little while with Cassie and Jeff. I’m so excited and can’t wait!

The only things I do have to do before we leave are go to see my Pipi and try to get ahold of my Aunt Pat and Uncle Keith so we can go say hi to them. I have to eat at least one Vince’s Chili Dog and eat some Fried Cauliflower from Blue Streak…after that, I’ll be satisfied, though I would LOVE to eat at Mongolian BBQ again before we leave…there is nowhere in Washington that compares to that place. Not even close!

I shall wrap up for now. I may write again about the rest of the trip after I get home. I don’t know. It’s taken me two tries to actually finish this…and the second I’ve been tired and it looks like it isn’t as well put together as the first time…I could be wrong, but I just am not happy with it, but oh well! ‘Tis life!

Alaric

That is my new baby's name. I found out on March 19 that I was having a boy! I'm so excited about this! It's a dream come true! I've always wanted a boy and a girl in that order, but a girl then a boy is perfect for me also. There is a good possibility we may just continue as a family of 4, but there's also that possibility that we will have 1-3 more kids in the future. You never know what the future will hold...and I will leave it up to God as to how many more I should really have, if any.

This pregnancy has been a blessing in pretty much every way possible. With Cara I was on bed rest and pelvic rest and so tired all the time and just had a hard time. I didn't honestly know how I was going to get through this pregnancy with a toddler on my hands. I have been surprised that I have energy, I can move around and do anything I want, I'm fairly comfortable and I haven't been put on any kind of "rest". It's wonderful and has made me want to do it again someday...just not this fast again! LoL!

I do still get tired, especially if I force myself to sleep more than 4 hours at a time (which is always) but it's not like I get to have set naps every day with Caralyn. She goes to sleep when she wants to. Lately she will actually take naps...one starting between 10 and 12 and another starting between 3 and 5. I hate when she takes late naps, but it happens.

On another note, I have my last OB appt before going to MI today. I'll be 21 weeks tomorrow and we leave Friday night and arrive Saturday early morning. We are in MI until April 17. I'm excited about most of the trip...the part where we'll be in Monroe/LaSalle. I'm anxious and worried about going to Saginaw for a weekend. There's still some bad blood between Josh's dad and myself and Josh's Grandma and myself. This will be the first time Josh is face to face with ANY of his family since the Caleb stuff started happening. I'm honestly worried.

We have decided that if I am treated poorly or just completely ignored or "cold shouldered" that Josh will say something. If he doesn't, I don't know that I'll hold in the inner bitch in me...pregnancy hormones makes it hard for me to hold my tongue when I know I'm being treated poorly. I act before I think and it's bad. I'm not usually like that...I usually can hold it in long enough to get away from everyone and everything and just rant to Josh or online about it...not during pregnancy though...sometimes I make it, but with how long this has been going on (over a year) I don't think it'll happen...

On top of that, we have decided if I am treated that way, we will not be a part of that life. They will have to deal with the loss of their grandchildren/great grandchildren on their own. It is not right for me to be treated that way, especially in front of my children. When Cara was younger and not as much of a sponge it didn't bother me as much, but she is learning like crazy and mocks people. I will not allow her to be taught by them that it's okay to treat mommy, or anyone else for that matter, that way. I will not stand for it. They need to grow up and act like adults instead of middle school children. They need to realize that my family comes first and so do my values and morals. Josh agreed to this, which honestly doesn't surprise me...it was me that forced him back into their lives so it's okay that I'm backing out. Makes sense right?

I hate the thought of losing more family. It royally sucks, but what else can I do? Family is so important to me...his grandma has never liked me because I didn't force Josh away from Penny, no matter how much I hated her myself at that point. Josh's dad didn't like me at first because I wasn't intimidated by him. He warmed up to me as time went on, and I believe with all my heart and soul, pushes from his wife. Papa...well I've always loved him and he's always been the laid back neutral party in everything. He's always been super nice and supportive of me and Josh.

I'm just lucky I will never lose my side of the family, Penny, Mark, Alea and Seth. And if Seth decides to treat his mother like Caleb, he has already been warned of the wrath and beating he will receive from me. This has torn him up completely so I don't honestly think he will ever do something like this to his mom. 2/4 kids forever is better than 1 or none though, right? It's wrong that ANY of her kids have treated her poorly but I know it's a part of life. It sucks.

So I went on a bit of a rant, and I probably will again and again with this subject because it just bugs the crap out of me, but for now I shall end.

Enough Is Enough

Everyone has those people in their life that they really want to hold onto through thick and thin. Sometimes you have to say "enough is enough" and just let them go.

I recently decided to let my brother in law and his wife go. He has treated me like crap since he met her approximately 2 years ago. She started treating me like crap the second she met me in person. They both treated me worse when I stuck up for my family and for what was really right.

That isn't what gets me to the point of giving up and letting go though. I can be treated like crap for a very long time without giving up. When they start treating my daughter like crap is where I draw the line. Cara's first 15 months of life has been mostly without these two. I went back to MI so she could meet him and start having him in her life. It ended at that trip. He saw her again on his wedding day and didn't even want to see her, he didn't want to see me either, and that was where it started tearing me up trying to hold onto this relationship because they were family.

Just a couple days ago my hormones got the best of me when he posted about how much he loves his niece, who is his wife's adopted niece, and realized he had deleted every picture of his blood niece that he had of her online. He cut his own blood out of his life when she did nothing to deserve it except have me as her mother. I thought all of our problems had been pretty much solved when I apologized, listened to her side of the story then let her know my feelings and my side of the story. I was wrong.

So last night I cut them out of my life. I can not take it any longer. I can not put my daughter and this new baby through this. It's just not good for them.

Speaking of my daughter, she just woke up from her nap. Later!

So overwhelmed

I'm 15 weeks pregnant. 16 weeks this Thursday (the day of my next OB appointment). Through half of December and all of January I was sick. Cara was sick for most of it too. Josh's mom came out for a week to help, though I pushed myself too much and got sicker. So my mom came out for 3 weeks and I haven't been actually sick since then. I got to rest and take it easier than I normally would've for being a married single mom.

Josh came home a few days after my mom left. The days inbetween were killer, but I got through them. It was nice to have a few days alone with Caralyn, but it was so hard at the same time. I have energy back but I get so exhausted so easily still.

We went to the zoo on Thursday this past week. I loved it. The zoo wasn't that great, but it worked to get Cara and myself into the fresh air and walking around. The next day we went to the aquarium. It sucked, but was enjoyable at the same time for me. Saturday Josh was sick with food poisoning. I took Caralyn out to go grocery shopping and stuff. When I got toward the end, I started getting a really hard pressure in my stomach...like a boulder sitting down there. A little while later I started getting super sharp pains, like swords stabbing into my stomach and side. I took a shower to calm it down, but I started getting nauseaus so I went to the hospital in case I was going into pre-term labor again (it felt like that when I did at 29 weeks with Cara). The Dr barely gave me a second glance or listen (the corpsman and nurses were more concerned about me than the Dr. That's bad!) before telling me it was just Braxton Hicks contractions and Ligament Pain and it would just go away on its own. He didn't even hook me up to a machine to see if I was having contractions and to see if it was better or worse as time went on! I dealt with the same pressure all day yesterday (Sunday) and today it's finally easing up a little. I want to hurt that Dr. I shouldn't have had that problem for over 24 hours. The Dr. said he didn't want to see me back unless I started bleeding on top of the pain and pressure. So he wanted me to be losing my baby pretty much. Gah! He was an asshole.

So today I'm sitting at home. Cara's playing with some of her toys right now. She's not happy that I'm online, but she's living. She knows it won't last forever and that when I get off, I'll be cuddling with her and spending my time with her. Anyway...I have a few other things to do really fast before I get off here and be with her. Later y'all! I'll try to write a little more often.

1st Year In Pictures

As I promised, a look back at her first year, in pictures. I only used our professional pictures, but they're still wonderful.

Newborn pictures - 10 days old
3 month pictures
6 month pictures
9 month pictures
1 year pictures

I can not believe my baby girl is a year old already. Almost 13 months already even! It's crazy! But on the other hand, we're starting all over! I just found out last week that I am in fact pregnant with our second child! We're both super excited and I can't wait for Caralyn to see the changes and feel the new baby and realize that she's going to be a big sister. Right now, it's just words to her.

I have a TODDLER!

I have been waiting to say this for 10 years, and yet, it doesn't seem like I should be saying it yet. My baby girl turned a year old this past Tuesday, November 24. It's unreal...already she is acting more like a toddler, like she knows it's what's supposed to happen. It was almost an instant change from one day to the next...like she transformed from an infant that needs her mommy all the time to a toddler who wants her independence. I love it and hate it all at once. At least she lets me know that I'm needed and wanted still. She'll wake up and kiss me or snug me (cuddle/hug is snugging for us), she'll say "mama" too. One morning she woke me up by laying her head next to mine on my pillow and saying "mama mama mama mama" ever so softly until I woke up. When I opened my eyes, she smiled with everything she had...her eyes lit up in a huge smile also...it melted my heart and made my day. I love mornings like that.

My baby is also walking now...and trying to keep up with the "big kids" at church...and trying to run. It's surreal...just a year ago she could barely hold her head up on her own (though she could for longer than most newborns!). She is so smart it's not even funny...just today she fed herself tomato and olives on Papa's fork (Josh would put it on and give it to her, then she would put it in her mouth and eat it)...it was amazing. She seemed so prim and proper and perfect, like she'd been doing it her whole life. I am amazed by her every day.

I must end for now, as I'm very emotional at the moment...not really sure why. I should just go to bed and sleep it off. I will put up a picture entry next of her first year...we did 1 year photos today at Walmart...even with her being fussy and the camera being broken and not cooperating for the most part, her pictures turned out wonderful like always. I am so blessed to have found Christan and Trisha for my photographers there at WalMart.

1st Birthday Party

My daughter will be 1 year old (ONE YEAR OLD! OMGoodness!) in 17 days. I am in the process of organizing her first birthday party. I have never thrown a party in my life. I didn't go to parties much while growing up and didn't at all in high school (didn't want peer pressure to drink or do drugs) and went to one birthday party in high school that reminded me of a teen's party...for someone turning 21 or 20 or something like that. I have no clue what to do!

I bought decorations, plates of two sizes, napkins and a few other things. What do I do for any kids that show up? I know I need to get grab bags together, but the ages would range from 2 months to 13 years or so...what can I do for that big of a gap that doesn't cost TOO much that everyone would love?

I still have to get cakes and stuff together too. I'm going to do a cupcake cake from Safeway and probably the birthday girl's cake too. Then I'm also getting a Cookie Cake from Mrs. Fields for the "adults" and those that don't want cupcakes.

Should I be planning games or other activities? I just don't really know! I'm so confused! Once she gets older, I'll know a little better what to do...but for a one year old? I'm stumped! Any advice would be more than welcome!

But for now, I'm off to relax a little before Caralyn wakes up from her second nap. She took a late nap this morning (around Noon instead of 10...and woke up around 12:45) and then fell asleep in the car around 3:45PM and is still sleeping now at 5:35PM (which is her normal 2:00 nap which can last between 30 minutes and 3 hours). I will not be letting her sleep past 6 but can go back to sleep after eating dinner. So...later!